(Cabbage field in Eftalou)

In the past, I used to say, ‘If I am ever diagnosed with cancer, I will immediately start smoking again.’ But I haven’t picked up a cigarette yet. Life is much calmer without those ‘cancer sticks’: no more stress about whether you have enough to smoke at home. Though I do miss it – just not enough to fall back into this unhealthy habit.

Another myth in my head was that if this disease were to attack my body, I would become thinner. Losing weight without any significant effort seemed like a positive side effect. In my mind, I saw myself running around in my 30-year-old, curvy thin figure and immediately wondered where all those cute tiny dresses had gone, even though for decades I haven’t fit into them. When I discussed an appropriate diet for cancer with my radiotherapist, she told me that cancer cells are crazy about fat, so I don’t need to hold back in that regard. You really don’t want those terrible tumors to start feasting on your organs due to a lack of tasty snacks. So I spray whipped cream over coffee and chocolate milk, let myself be tempted by mountains of pastries and cookies, and spread real butter on bread. One of my requests for the radiotherapist was that they would ensure my esophagus wouldn’t be damaged, which was a difficult task since the main tumor was suspiciously close to that food artery. But they succeeded: that precious team of radiologists! I have a super healthy appetite and always crave something delicious. And it no longer matters what I eat, which is a delightful thought.

I must admit that I was in the Netherlands at just the right time: the best candy season, offering plenty of Saint Nicolas and Christmas treats. Which I shamelessly consumed in big numbers: sugar candy, marzipan, special cookies, almond bars, and endless variations of little Christmas chocolates. After all, there was a good chance that these would be the last Nicolas cookies or chocolate Christmas balls I would ever eat. I entered every pastry shop like Julie in Candy Land and kept on rediscovering forgotten sweets from my youth.

Yes, the Netherlands has everything your heart desires in terms of food: not only sweets but also meats and cheeses, something that is lacking here in Lesvos. Except for their goat cheeses, Greek cheesemakers know few variations. Stores like those in the Netherlands, stuffed with only the most delicious and diverse cheeses, are but an impossible futuristic dream here on the island

But still, I was happy to set foot on the island again. With its modest supermarkets, where you don’t have to spend hours in front of a shelf because you don’t know which tea or coffee to choose, which breakfast cereals or which butter or milk are the best. On Lesvos, you should be happy if it’s on the shelf. And then there are the vegetables. Since the Dutch no longer have time, or are simply too lazy, most vegetables are sold pre-cut and wrapped in plastic. You even have ready-made packages for Indonesian noodle dishes (bami), some chili, or  whatever dish you have in mind. Complete with a factory-made chemical sauce. They call that a fresh meal. I was amazed and endlessly annoyed by the Dutch who seem all to be supermarket addicted and let themselves be lulled into this false food paradise. And then I’m not even talking about the masses of packaging waste produced through this way of life.

It is wonderful to be back on the island, where most of the vegetables grow not far from the stores and where you actually have to filet the fish yourself. There is no self-respecting Greek housewife who buys pre-cut salad in a plastic bag, more and more big supermarkets try to seduce to do so. But for the time being on Lesvos you can still taste the freshness of the earth, whether potatoes or beetroots.

We have entered the carnival season (Apokriës), during which you are still allowed to eat everything until Clean Monday (Kathara Deftera, falling on February 23 this year) and which ushers in the Lent period. Then lamb chops and tender chicken filets will no longer be a given on the menu. Some extra beans will be added to compensate for the lack of meat. What will not change is the number of vegetables on the table. A Greek dinner simply  contains more than one vegetable, freshly cut and prepared. Since you also cannot eat fish, there are shellfish, which do not have blood vessels, and therefore are allowed to be eaten during Lent. For the foodies among us, a treat. And so Greek food has its own qualities, freshness being the greatest.

I don’t miss the heavily exaggerated Dutch consumer society one bit. Even though I wonder if I can live without my favorite pastry shop in Haarlem. I wonder how I will now fatten my cancer cells without their Royal pastries and almond rolls. Still, I feel much healthier here, more connected to nature. Although I have the impression that cancer cells are actually  opposed to health, I hope that fattening them up with fresh vegetables can keep them occupied, so that they will not quickly indulge in other things.

In the meantime, my weight has increased, but it has also decreased again. Just like I have good and bad days. But I can forget the faint hope that I will ever fit again into my little black lace dress again, or wear iron stiletto heels whilst braving the uneven sidewalks of  Amsterdam or the levadas in Madeira. Those times will never come back, with or without cancer.